Letter to mommies at 4:00am
Good morning mommies,
It really is 4:17am, and I have been writing this letter in my head since 3:20am. At first when I woke up, I tried so hard to fall back asleep. Then I felt mad that I could not fall asleep, then I felt happy because I thought about coffee, then I thought about each one of you, truly. Because some of you are awake right now, caring for your baby. So here I am at my laptop, with coffee, writing to every mommy who knows me as a doula or from MOMS group. There are 17 of you, you live from Barnstable to Provincetown, and your babies range in age from 7 weeks to 12 months. Your faces and baby’s faces are in my mind and I am sending you each care and encouragement and admiration.
A common conversation we have shared is about how much advice, information, and pressure you face each day as a mommy. The internet, social media, neighbors, in-laws, parents, friends, doulas, pediatricians, etc. all have suggestions. Some of this information contradicts. Some of it feels too hard, or too unrealistic, or too perfect, or too obvious. How does a (usually tired) mom make sense of it all? I would really like to support you in this question. Because there is often no “correct” one size fits all answer, and I want to reassure you that you know your baby best. Every baby, every mommy, every family is unique, and what works for others, may not work for you.
Which leads me to wake up at 3;20 wondering how I can better support the moms I work with. While I am trained, certified, degreed, and a mom of three, I am not in your shoes (or slippers, since it is now 4:46am). You are all unique, so what exactly do each of you need?
I created an Instagram account several months ago and have one post…. After hours and days of deliberation, I just can’t commit to posting content because I am trying to identify posts that will be supportive and helpful to the masses. However, it feels challenging to create a one size fits all account, since I am promoting and encouraging you all to be you, that only your “size” matters.
So, if you are still reading this letter, thank you, and I have a favor. Please vote or provide feedback about what posts would be most welcomed. Here are a few ideas based on all the doula accounts I follow, but feel free to offer any input.
a. research supported information (topics?) - while I aim to only share research supported “proven” info, even that does not apply to everyone.
b. positive affirmations and/or encouragement for mommy self-care
c. Vlogs - short clips that sum up a conversation or question with a mom (confidentially, of course)
d. funny stuff about babies and mommies
e. pretty pictures of Cape Cod, places to drive to with a sleeping baby, perhaps? (in my other life, I am a photographer)
That’s it - I’ve written too much already, and my dog is begging to go outside (it’s now 5:03am). My final request - take 10 minutes today during a baby nap to tend to yourself - something simple - put on lotion, stretch your back, call a friend, lie down and elevate your feet, paint your toenails, reflect on all the mommy moves you made today that were just what your baby needed because you are that baby’s special, one of a kind, beloved.
Warmly,
Becky
(photo - I took this Chatham sunrise picture in 2008, when my dear friend Laura (who I met at a moms group in 2001, no joke!) and her family visited us on the Cape)
