When and how to respond to baby?

Recently at a Supporting Momma group there was a discussion about the tricky parenting decisions regarding how much and how often to respond to a baby. These conversations and questions come up often when talking about feeding, sleeping, and soothing baby. These are personal decisions for each family, and often are based on parenting philosophies as well as the family circumstances. I encourage parents to trust their intuition, tune out the advice that doesn’t feel right, and take their parenting decisions day-by-day. There are no rules (aside from safety), and what works for one family may very well not work for another family. That is ok.

It seems that many of the moms feel a pressure to do things a certain “right” way. The good news is that there are many “right” ways and again this is individualized as each mom, each family, and each baby are special and unique. Trust yourself, trust your baby.

Each of these hour-to-hour parenting decisions may range on a delicate continuum from structured, parent-guided parenting to attachment-based, responsive and child-led parenting. When supporting moms who face decisions about feeding. sleeping, etc., I feel it is important to find some middle ground that feels best to them. There is no one size fits all. Many factors may influence how a family makes this decision such as the specific situation, the temperaments of the people involved, the age of the child, and the parenting goal.

My training specializes in infant feeding and the research does strongly support the idea of responsive feeding. This means following the baby’s lead for feeding by monitoring and following their feeding cues. Babies have the ability to communicate when they are hungry and when they are full. The sooner we respond to their cues, the more content the baby will feel and the more the baby will fill their stomach. Feeding an overtired or crying baby can be stressful and often leads to an incomplete feeding, meaning the baby will be hungry again sooner.

Research suggests that in the first 4-5 months, babies’ needs are basic - food, sleep and safety. Next, they need love, touch and comfort. As they reach 4-5 months, their needs and developmental abilities become more independent. Cognitively, babies begin to learn their influence in cause and effect around 4 months, but that does not mean they are manipulative. They are responding instinctively to their own needs.

And once again, every family and baby and circumstance is special and unique. You will make the best choices for your family, and I am here to support you.

There are several resources below, including a video from the Academy of Pediatrics.

https://www.earlycaredoula.com/blog-1/how-do-we-know-when-baby-is-hungry-12

https://youtu.be/Ha16Hvoh6c4?si=8zXe1svsB6M9ZTPX AAP responsive feeding suggestions

https://www.webmd.com/parenting/baby/features/infants-attention Can you Spoil a Baby?

https://www.physicianscenter.org/files/5314/3561/0892/newborn_information.pdf Parenting Philosophies explained

https://www.cdc.gov/child-development/positive-parenting-tips/infants.html

Becky Fischer

Cape Cod Postpartum Doula and Certified Lactation Counselor nurturing families on the Lower and Outer Cape

https://www.earlycaredoula.com
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