“Am I doing enough?”
A New Year - a time to reflect back on 2023 and set goals and hopes for 2024. I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about and trying to measure this past year as I’ve been building a new business. Was it enough, did I do enough? Am I on the right track? Should I be doing more? And then it occurred to me, these are similar questions I hear postpartum moms asking themselves! My answer to them is always, “You are doing SO MUCH! You created a baby and are now caring for him/her 24 hours/day! It is a job like no other, and it is a very big, important, tiring, demanding job!”
So, I would like to draw a parallel between my own 2023 personal journey and the journey I have witnessed women experiencing as new mothers.
I spent countless hours last year networking, building a website, blogging, trying to post well on social, and volunteering my time to learn more and help others. It’s been wonderful and I have enjoyed it all. Yet, sometimes it has felt hard. Many people have helped me and supported me. But I think it is often human nature to seek more, the next step, growth. When I ask myself, “Am I doing enough?”, my answer tends to be ambivalent. So, I made myself make a list of all that I accomplished this year. A few highlights: left mental health job, trained w DONA as doula, took 52-hour lactation course and passed the CLC exam, started a MOMS group, became very involved with the Perinatal Wellness Alliance, was hired by Monumental Beginnings and The Center for Breastfeeding, and most importantly - provided postpartum doula services for 19 families. Geez, that actually makes me feel proud!
Ok, momma - your turn. Perhaps your journey has also felt wonderful, and hard. When you ask yourself, “Am I doing enough?” how do you answer?
I would like to hear your answer. Here’s what I imagine you could say: Well first, my body actually made another human. I mean let’s take a second to really marvel at that! Then I somehow birthed that baby - which is a physical feat often compared to running a marathon. Next, I physically recovered from a vaginal or cesarean birth. That is huge, and seems to be very overlooked. Think of birth as a major surgery but with a huge shift in hormones. Wouldn’t it be nice if we moms got weeks of physical therapy!? Now I care for the baby - feeding at least 10x/day, bonding and holding to foster their emotional regulation and development, keeping my baby clean, teaching my baby, entertaining my baby, and managing all of the baby’s appointments. That is a long, busy list.
Now, momma, let me remind you that you accomplish all those things with minimal sleep, often solo, and as your body is healing.
But still, I hear moms say, “I am so busy all day, but nothing gets done!” I hear moms explaining why they can’t rest when the baby rests because they have too much to do! I get it, I remember. There are crazy masses of laundry, food to prepare, maybe a pet to care for, and your own life to manage. Some moms even attempt to keep their houses somewhat clean, yikes, that blows my mind - when is there time for that?
I can relate - sometimes a whole busy day for me results in little income because I am researching, networking, building. It will come. Similar for a mom, sleep will come. We are doing enough - we are setting the framework, we are raising a child, we are investing in our future, and we are more than enough.
